Figure 7: Essay Excerpt, “The Legacy of Conquest”

Below is a sample excerpt that falls under the “Confusing, Confusing/Tangled Phraseology” comment.

You may access the comment by clicking on the “C” category or by typing the title into the search box.

You may print the excerpt for class discussions.

Sample Excerpt

The Indians see the white man as stupid in their strive to civilize the savage. And this thought takes notice because the Indians were often painted as fragile and passive people.  Passivity proved to their advantage because they tended not to incorporate themselves into society.

Figure 7: Essay Excerpt, “The Legacy of Conquest”

Problems

1) How can a thought take notice? What does this mean?

2) How did passivity prove to their advantage?

Revision Consideration

The opposite of “to confuse” is “to clear up” or make plain.  It is not always a good thing to try to demonstrate sophistication in your writing if you don’t already possess this ability. You will only confuse the reader even more. Sometimes constructing the simplest statement(s) represents the best indication of your ability to create a well-constructed, effective sentence, one that especially has an impact upon your reader. Your major objective is always to be effective. Writing what you mean and meaning what you write should be your primary goal.

Copyright 2011 Regina Y. Favors. All Rights Reserved.

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