Below is a table that falls under the comment “Analysis.”
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Table 14: Outline of Discrepancies in Essay Excerpt on “Chrysanthemums”
|Actions||Student’s Essay||Author’s Narrative|
|Second Action||2. Elisa notices the visitor as they pass him on the road.||2. Elisa notices a dark speck far ahead on the road.|
|Fourth Action||4. She failed to tell Henry that he’d stopped by.||4. She saw the caravan ahead as the car passed them (the little covered wagon and the mismatched team).|
|Seventh Action||7. Elisa notices the plants on the side of the road that the visitor throws out.|
The order of events in the student’s essay is a complete mismatch to the order of events in the author’s narrative. Not only is the student’s essay filled with discrepancies but it also includes events that don’t even happen in the narrative.
The student’s assessment of these events also indicates that the student hasn’t thoroughly studied the dialogue and the narrator’s views. In other words, the student has worked primarily from memory. In writing the essay, the student did not consult the primary source to make sure to present the events chronologically. Observe the following from the student’s essay:
Discrepancy: The student essay reads that Elisa failed to tell Henry that he’d stopped by. However, there is nothing in the narrative itself to suggest that Elisa not telling Henry of the visitor represents a failure.
Discrepancy: The student essay reads that Elisa feels dejected and defeated. The quote actually reads, “She whispered to herself sadly, ‘He might have thrown them off the road. That wouldn’t have been much trouble, not very much. But he kept the pot’ ” (Steinbeck 261). Elisa feels sad.
Discrepancy: Elisa doesn’t notice the plants on the side of the road. She notices a dark speck. The narrative doesn’t indicate if the dark speck is the plant.
Discrepancy: Elisa never sees the visitor as both Elisa and Henry pass the visitor on the road. Elisa sees the caravan as both Elisa and Henry pass them, the little covered wagon, and the mismatched team.
Based upon the discrepancies, rewrite the student’s analysis (Figure 75).
Click here for The FAVORS Step-by-Step Process for Correcting Mismatched Chronology.
Copyright 2011 Regina Y. Favors. All Rights Reserved.