Archive for category Analysis (Glossary Comment)

Figure 89: Sample Student Paper on “Chrysanthemums”

The following sample student paper falls under the glossary comment “Analysis.”

You may access the paper by clicking the “Analysis (Glossary Comment),” “Figures,” “Case Studies,” and “Sample Student Paper” categories.

We use parts of the paper as sample excerpts for multiple glossary comments.

You may print the paper for class discussions.

Figure 89: Sample Student Paper on “Chrysanthemums”

Regina Y. Favors

Professor Cost

English 208

23 February 1999

“Chrysanthemums”

          In “Chrysanthemums” John Steinbeck, the author, focuses on Elisa Allen, one of the main characters.  She is presented as weak in that her daily activity consisted of tending her garden of chrysanthemums; Steinbeck focuses on how they provide insight into Elisa and how she relates to them, religiously.  He implies that even though she fits a weak character, there are places in the narrative at the beginning that suggest some strong points and her longing towards the end.  There are a number of inferences that Steinbeck clearly illustrates how she is presented as weak and should therefore be discussed.

The narrative starts out with Elisa working in her flower garden.  She looks down across the yard and sees Henry, her husband, talking to two businessmen; they are making a proposition to Henry for his thirty heads of three-year old steers.  Elisa takes several glances at the men as they smoke cigarettes and talk; her “face was lean and strong and her eyes were as clear as water . . . her figure looked blocked and heavy in her gardening costume, a man’s black hat pulled down over her eyes, clod-hopper shoes, a figured print dress almost completely covered by a big corduroy apron with four big pockets . . .” (Steinbeck 220).  Steinbeck clearly shows Elisa’s habitual activity; it is implied that she even wears the exact same thing everyday.

Elisa continues to glance down at the tractor shed where the men where.  There is an anxiousness in Elisa.  Her “face was eager . . . mature . . . handsome; even her work with the scissors was over-eager, over-powerful.  The chrysanthemum stems seemed too small and easy for her energy” (Steinbeck 221).  Steinbeck paints a clear picture as to how religiously Elisa tends her garden.  She takes off her glove and places her hands down into the soil.  She recognizes that her flowers hadn’t completely bloomed.  She starts tending her garden at the sound of her husband’s voice.  “He had come near quietly, and he leaned over the wire fence that protected her flower garden from cattle and dogs, and chickens” (Steinbeck 221).  It is evident that the fence that protected the flowers was put there also to protect Elisa.  It is also clear to say that the protection from the cattle, dogs, and chickens symbolizes protection from outsiders.  Henry protected Elisa in the same way she protected her flowers.  No one could get close or converse with Elisa.  At the sound of his voice is when she can start.  Everything had become so traditional that she had become accustomed to waiting until he finished his business to start her daily activity.  Henry never included her in any of his business.  She was best seen and not heard.

Henry follows, after Elisa starts gardening, by commenting on how well she’s done.  He recognizes that she does have a gift and she replies in a tone unheard as very sure of herself.

Elisa continues gardening when she is approached by a visitor in a wagon off his usual road.  They both exchange words and humor and Elisa gives him the directions back onto the road.  The visitor claims he’s in no hurry to leave and leans over her fence.  He asks her if she noticed the writing on his wagon; “I mend pots and sharpen knives and scissors . . .” (Steinbeck 223).  He told Elisa that he hadn’t had anything to do all day.  He reminds her that he’s off his general road and that normally he would have work today.  Elisa became annoyed at his request.  It wasn’t until he looked down at her chrysanthemums and commented on them, that she let down her guard.  “The irritation and resistance melted from Elisa’s face” (Steinbeck 223).  In order to get what he wanted the visitor told Elisa exactly what she wanted to hear; he changed his tone quickly and agreed with whatever she said.  He even went as far as telling her that there was a woman down the road who had everything in her garden except for chrysanthemums; the woman, he referred to, told him if he ever came across anyone with some chrysanthemums, to get her some seeds (Steinbeck 224).  Elisa instantly grew eager.  It never dawned on her that he had said not once, but twice that he was off his general road.  Since he was off is general road, he couldn’t have known which way or the other if there was a woman down the road.

Elisa, inadvertently, let the visitor through the picket gate.  She ran to her flower bed gathering the necessary seeds for the pretend woman down the road.  She gives the visitor a complete description of how to plant the seeds and the daily activity that goes along with it.  After he tells Elisa that it’s not nice to see the stars and listen to the quiet without dinner, ashamed, she is forced to find something for the visitor to do.  The visitor’s manner changes and he becomes professional when Elisa brings him two old aluminum saucepans; “Good as new I can fix them. . . . His mouth grew sure and knowing” (Steinbeck 225).

Steinbeck presents Elisa as inquisitive and strong-minded when it comes to thoughts, but fails on her actions.  Elisa questions the visitor as to whether or not he sleeps in the wagon; she tells him that it must be nice and wishes that women could do such things.  He replies that it isn’t the kind of place for a woman.  On the defensive, she questions his knowledge on his stated opinion.  He responds in protest that he doesn’t know and hands over the saucepans hurriedly.  He didn’t want to argue with her.  Elisa paid him for his time and replied, “You might be surprised to have a rival . . . I can sharpen scissors . . . I can beat the dents . . . I can show you what a woman might do” (Steinbeck 225).  Instead of say what a woman can do, she said might.  The whole objective of the visitor was to get what he wanted and be on his way.  He never concerned himself with the chrysanthemums.  It was apparent, because when he gathered up his things to leave, he had forgotten about the chrysanthemums; and Elisa failed to notice.  She was so preoccupied with the compliments made to her about her flowers she played into his deception.  As he left, she mumbled aloud, “That’s a bright direction.  There’s a glowing there” (Steinbeck 226).

Steinbeck shows Elisa startled by her own whisper; she ran back into the house and prepared for Henry’s arrival and their departure into town. In this part of the narrative, Elisa is exhaustively making preparations.  After her shower, “she puts on her newest under-clothing and her nicest stockings and the dress which was the symbol of her prettiness.  She worked carefully on her hair, penciled her eyebrows and roughed her lips” (Steinbeck 226).  Before, as stated earlier, Steinbeck shows Elisa as representing a man through her attire.  Now the dress symbolizes, as the author states, her prettiness; or the more appealing, attractive part of Elisa.  Henry comes in and comments on how nice she looks.  She questions his motive and he returns dumbfounded.  He comments again on how strong she looks and she replies, “I am strong?  Yes, strong . . . I never knew before how strong . . .” (Steinbeck 226).  It is clear that even though she concludes that she is strong, she still doesn’t feel it because she had to question first and answer later.

They both leave and Elisa notices the visitor as they pass him on the road.  She tried not to look, but did anyway.  She failed to tell Henry that he’d stopped by.  She comments that their outing would be good tonight; Henry instantly noticed that she had changed again.  Elisa notices the plants on the side of the road that the visitor throws out.  She immediately feels rejected and defeated.

Elisa is clearly painted as a weak character.  She is a lonely and detached woman.  The chrysanthemums created a distraction from her loneliness, her isolation because of the fence around her, and the feelings of inadequacy.  Towards the end she questions whether or not she is strong.  Steinbeck provides a clear insight into Elisa and her garden of chrysanthemums.  Henry places a protective hold on Elisa, just as she is possessive over her chrysanthemums.  Elisa started out as strong, but ended up as weak and somewhat resentful to the fact.

 

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The Favors Glossary Sample Student Paper on Chrysanthemums (FOR CLASSROOM USE ONLY)

Copyright 2011 Regina Y. Favors. All Rights Reserved.

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Figure 86: Sample Excerpt from James D. Murphy’s Business Text (Whole Form)

Below is an excerpt that falls under the comment “Analysis.”

You may access the comment by clicking on the “Analysis (Glossary Comment)” and “Case Studies” categories or by typing “Task #7: Integrate” into the search box. The sample is subject to U.S. copyright law and is only displayed here for educational purposes.

You may print the excerpt for class discussions.

Figure 86: Sample Excerpt from James D. Murphy’s Business Text (Whole Form)

As a fighter pilot, I care very much about the overall objectives laid out by the general officers of the United States Air Force. . . . But I don’t operate in a generalized world.  My world is very specific.  I’m an F-15 air superiority fighter pilot.  I don’t drop bombs.  I don’t have a thirty-millimeter tank-killing gun like the A-10. . . . I do one thing well, and that’s provide air cover for ingressing bombers by taking out airborne threats.  I do not operate under the same rules as an F-117 Stealth pilot, or an F-16 pilot.  My mission objective is very specific, tied totally to my individual capability and my training.As such, it’s imperative that the mission I’m assigned is specific and precise, not vague or general.  Imagine if I went up in the air with only the following orders:  ‘Murphy, your objective is to kick Saddam Hussein out of Kuwait.  Good luck—let’s go kick some ass.’  It’s okay for Norman Schwarzkopf to say that; in fact, that’s what he’s supposed to say.

His job is to establish an overall objective for the troops, and to do it in such a way that all participants understand it and get behind it.  He probably doesn’t even know how I do what I do.  But he doesn’t need to know.  He simply needs to lay out a straightforward overall objective that can be divided into manageable parts that, when activated, will lead inexorably to the achievement of his objective.

How does this happen?  The military command structure underneath Schwarzkopf has to take his general vision and push it down through the ranks and into the cockpits, subs, and trenches—where it is presented not as a vision, but as a mission.  Directly underneath Schwarzkopf, the brigadier generals break the vision down into its individual parts—the Army does this, the Air Force does that, and so on.  Next, the commanding generals evaluate their individual assets and create an overall operations plan.  This called the frag, short for fragmentary order, the overall battle plan broken down into the relevant parts.  The bombers, fighters, and ground forces are all commanded to converge on a certain target at a certain time and in a certain sequence.

One level down, other officers convert the frag into even smaller parts.  The 1st Fighter Wing and its F-15s do this; the F-117 guys from Holliman do that.  The KC-10s will be waiting to give gas here, the A-10s will attack tanks there.

Yet another level down, wing commanders divide the frag again.  For example, they might decide that twelve F-15s will be responsible for providing air cover over a specific piece of ground, so that thirty-six bombers can come in under them and pound enemy targets that our ground troops will then secure.

With the group objective stated for the F-15s, the individual flight leaders, who might be young captains or lieutenants, will look at the airspace they need to sanitize and organize the F-15s with altitude blocks and lanes of responsibility so that we can absolutely, positively do our job—which is to make certain no one hops on the tails of the bombers.

At this point Schwarzkopf’s vision has become a mission for me, the individual pilot.  I don’t set my sights on something as personally unattainable as kicking Iraqis out of Kuwait, but I am ready to give my life to protect an important lane of airspace with my F-15.  I’m ready to give my life in the execution of a clear, measurable, attainable mission that supports the overall vision of my commander. . . .

How often do companies ask their employees to execute their jobs under the banner of a ‘mission statement’ or a generalized corporate goal?  A mission statement is fine, but like an overall objective, it isn’t specific enough to lead anybody anywhere.  Mission statements aren’t marching orders.  They sound good, they make sense, but they have zero effect until the organization breaks them down into finer and finer pieces, from rank to rank, presented clearly to each and every employee as a specific task with a measurable outcome that is his and his alone to perform. . . .

Like the Air Force, your company should use its command structure to filter a general vision down to the level of the individual employee.  And it shouldn’t be a great leap from the general vision to the individual missions, either.  There should be a logical, sequential breakdown of the vision, so that each group can responsibly accomplish its human-scale goals.

Source:  Business is Combat by James D. Murphy, pages 42-25

Copyright 2011 Regina Y. Favors. All Rights Reserved.

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Table 24: Sentence/Quote/Follow-Up Explanation Comparisons (Sampling Body Paragraph Exercise)

Table 24 falls under the comment “Analysis.”

You may access the table by clicking on the “Analysis (Glossary Comment)” and “Case Studies” categories or by typing “Task #6: Sample” in the search box.

You may click the link to access the full discussion.

Table 24: Sentence/Quote/Follow-Up Explanation Comparisons (Sampling Body Paragraph Exercise)

 Prep Statement
Elisa questions the visitor as to whether or not he sleeps in the wagon; she tells him that it must be nice and wishes that women could do such things.  He replies that it isn’t the kind of place for a woman.
 Quote Elisa paid him for his time and replied, 1 “You might be surprised to have a rival . . . 2 I can sharpen scissors . . . 3 I can beat the dents . . . 4 I can show you what a woman might do” (Steinbeck 225).
 Follow-up explanation
Instead of say what a woman can do, she said 1 might.

Copyright 2011 Regina Y. Favors. All Rights Reserved.

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Figure 85: Essay Excerpt on “Chrysanthemums” (Sampling Body Paragraph Exercise)

Below is an excerpt that falls under the comment “Analysis.”

You may access the comment by clicking on the “Analysis (Glossary Comment)” and “Case Studies” categories or by typing “Task #6: Sample” in the search box.

You may print the excerpt for class discussions.

Figure 85: Essay Excerpt on “Chrysanthemums” (Sampling Body Paragraph Exercise)

Steinbeck presents Elisa as inquisitive and strong-minded when it comes to thoughts, but fails on her actions.  Elisa questions the visitor as to whether or not he sleeps in the wagon; she tells him that it must be nice and wishes that women could do such things.  He replies that it isn’t the kind of place for a woman.  On the defensive, she questions his knowledge on his stated opinion.  He responds in protest that he doesn’t know and hands over the saucepans hurriedly.  He didn’t want to argue with her.  Elisa paid him for his time and replied, “You might be surprised to have a rival . . . I can sharpen scissors . . . I can beat the dents . . . I can show you what a woman might do” (Steinbeck 225).  Instead of say what a woman can do, she said might.  The whole objective of the visitor was to get what he wanted and be on his way.  He never concerned himself with the chrysanthemums.  It was apparent, because when he gathered up his things to leave, he had forgotten about the chrysanthemums; and Elisa failed to notice.  She was so preoccupied with the compliments made to her about her flowers she played into his deception.  As he left, she mumbled aloud, “That’s a bright direction.  There’s a glowing there” (Steinbeck 226).

Copyright 2011 Regina Y. Favors. All Rights Reserved.

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Table 23: Thesis-Body Paragraph Comparisons (Yanking Theses Exercise)

Table 23 falls under the comment “Analysis.”

You may access the table by clicking on the “Analysis (Glossary Comment)” and “Case Studies” categories or by typing “Task #5: Yank” in the search box.

You may click the link to access the full discussion.

Table 23: Thesis-Body Paragraph Comparisons (Yanking Theses Exercise)

 Thesis 1 She is presented as weak in that her daily activity consisted of tending her garden of chrysanthemums; Steinbeck focuses on how they provide insight into Elisa and how she relates to them, religiously. 2 He implies that even though she fits a weak character, there are places in the narrative at the beginning that suggest some strong points and her longing towards the end. 3 There are a number of inferences that Steinbeck clearly illustrates how she is presented as weak and should therefore be discussed.
 1st Body Paragraph The narrative starts out with Elisa working in her flower garden. She looks down across the yard and sees Henry, her husband, talking to two businessmen; they are making a proposition to Henry for his thirty heads of three-year old steers. Elisa takes several glances at the men as they smoke cigarettes and talk; her “face was lean and strong and her eyes were as clear as water . . . her figure looked blocked and heavy in her gardening costume, a man’s black hat pulled down over her eyes, clod-hopper shoes, a figured print dress almost completely covered by a big corduroy apron with four big pockets . . .” (Steinbeck 220). Steinbeck clearly shows Elisa’s habitual activity; it is implied that she even wears the exact same thing everyday.

Copyright 2011 Regina Y. Favors. All Rights Reserved.

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Figure 84: Essay Excerpt on “Chrysanthemums” (Yanking Supporting Evidence Exercise)

Below is an excerpt that falls under the comment “Analysis.”

You may access the comment by clicking on the “Analysis (Glossary Comment)” and “Case Studies” categories or by typing “Task #5: Yank” in the search box.

You may print the excerpt for class discussions.

Figure 84: Essay Excerpt on “Chrysanthemums” (Yanking Supporting Evidence Exercise) 

Elisa continues to glance down at the tractor shed where the men where.  There is an anxiousness in Elisa.  Her “face was eager . . . mature . . . handsome; even her work with the scissors was over-eager, over-powerful.  The chrysanthemum stems seemed too small and easy for her energy” (Steinbeck 221).  Steinbeck paints a clear picture as to how religiously Elisa tends her garden.  She takes off her glove and places her hands down into the soil.  She recognizes that her flowers hadn’t completely bloomed.  She starts tending her garden at the sound of her husband’s voice.  “He had come near quietly, and he leaned over the wire fence that protected her flower garden from cattle and dogs, and chickens” (Steinbeck 221).  It is evident that the fence that protected the flowers was put there also to protect Elisa.  It is also clear to say that the protection from the cattle, dogs, and chickens symbolizes protection from outsiders.  Henry protected Elisa in the same way she protected her flowers.  No one could get close or converse with Elisa.  At the sound of his voice is when she can start.  Everything had become so traditional that she had become accustomed to waiting until he finished his business to start her daily activity.  Henry never included her in any of his business.  She was best seen and not heard.

Copyright 2011 Regina Y. Favors. All Rights Reserved.

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Task #8: Sand

Sand

“Sand” falls under the Analysis Acronym (Revision) category.

In reference to revising your analysis, sanding refers to making sure that all sentences within your paper are grammatically correct. There are some common grammatical mistakes that students make. When evaluating and revising your essays, check first for the following:

Comma Splices

Fragments

Run-ons

Parallelism

Dangling Modifiers

Misplaced Modifiers

Verb Tense Shifts

Subject-Verb Disagreement

Capitalization

Spelling

For more information about these concepts, consult your course grammar and writing handbook.

Copyright 2011 Regina Y. Favors. All Rights Reserved.

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The FAVORS Definition of Thesis (Task #7: Integrate)

The FAVORS Definition of Thesis falls under the comment “Analysis.”

You may access the comment by clicking on the “Analysis (Glossary Comment),” “Case Studies,” and “Analysis Revision Tasks” categories or by typing “Task #7: Integrate” into the search box.

You may print the information for class discussions.

The thesis is a vision statement where the student is both author and visionary for the paper.

The thesis expresses the goals and plans of the paper. It establishes an overall general objective for the topic sentences (the troops) so that the objective can be divided into manageable and actionable parts to produce a measurable outcome.

To put it simply, the thesis is the order, in whole form. Each subsequent paragraph represents an extension and/or a part of the thesis.

To best understand how to integrate, or maintain, the thesis throughout the body of the paper, let’s bring in a military analogy.

Level 1: The captain of the thesis receives the thesis (order) from the student, divides it into manageable parts, and gives instructions to the lieutenant commander of body paragraphs.

Level 2: The lieutenant commander of body paragraphs receives the thesis, divides it into manageable parts, orders body paragraphs to support the thesis, and gives instructions to the first lieutenant of topic sentences to develop topic sentences that will support the thesis.

  • Body Paragraph #1 will incorporate a quote under three lines from author #1 to support the topic sentence (the lieutenant commander of topic sentences).
  • After each quote, Body Paragraph #1 must follow up with an explanation and an evaluation of the quote.
  • Body Paragraph #1 will prepare a transition statement for Body Paragraph #2.

Level 3: The first lieutenant of topic sentences receives the order for body paragraphs, divides the order into five manageable parts, defines what will be in the topic sentences, creates topic sentences, and gives instructions to the second lieutenant of examples, descriptions, definitions, explanations, and evaluations to create supporting evidence for each topic sentence in order to support the thesis.

  • Topic Sentence #1 will need examples to support the thesis.
    • Topic Sentence
  • Topic Sentence #2 will need a description of the character to support the thesis.
    • Topic Sentence
  • Topic Sentence #3 will need a definition within the context of the narrative to support the thesis.
    • Topic Sentence
  • Topic Sentence #4 will need an explanation of the definition to support the thesis.
    • Topic Sentence
  • Topic Sentence #5 will need an evaluation of the examples, description, definition, and explanation to support the thesis.
    • Topic Sentence

Level 4: The second lieutenant of examples, descriptions, definitions, explanations, and evaluations receives the order from the first lieutenant of topic sentences to create supporting evidence for each topic sentence so that it supports the thesis, divides the order into five manageable parts, creates supporting evidence, and gives instructions to the other noncommissioned officers of supporting evidence to support the evidence.

  • Topic Sentence #1
    • Supporting Evidence
  • Topic Sentence #2
    • Supporting Evidence
  • Topic Sentence #3
    • Supporting Evidence
  • Topic Sentence #4
    • Supporting Evidence
  • Topic Sentence #5
    • Supporting Evidence

Level 5: The other noncommissioned officers of supporting evidence receive the order from the second lieutenant of examples, descriptions, definitions, explanations, and evaluations; divide the order into five manageable parts; develop support for the supporting evidence; and give instructions to the petty officer of transition statements to end each body paragraph, prepare for the next body paragraph, and prepare to desist all activities.

  • Support Team Alpha: Support for Supporting Evidence
  • Support Team Beta: Support for Supporting Evidence
  • Support Team Charlie: Support for Supporting Evidence
  • Support Team Delta: Support for Supporting Evidence
  • Support Team Echo: Support for Supporting Evidence
  • Transition Team Ford 1
    • Body Paragraph #1: End with Transition Statement for #1
  • Transition Team Georgia 2
    • Body Paragraph #2: End with Transition Statement for #2
  • Transition Team Hawk 3
    • Body Paragraph #3: End with Transition Statement for #3
  • Transition Team Iris 4
    • Body Paragraph #4: End with Transition Statement for #4
  • Transition Team Jane 5
    • Body Paragraph #5: End with Transition Statement for #5
  • Conclusion: Prepare to desist.

Level 6: The petty officer of transition statements receives the order from the other noncommissioned officers of supporting evidence to end each body paragraph, prepares for the next body paragraph, and prepares to desist all activities; divides the order into manageable parts; and gives instructions to the enlisted men of revision support to confirm and check the accuracy of each instruction that supports the thesis (order).

Level 7: The enlisted men of revision support confirm and check for accuracy of each instruction that integrates and supports the thesis (order).

Here is a quick outline of the different roles the thesis plays within this example.

Table 25: Outline of Roles for the Thesis (The FAVORS Definition of Thesis Exercise) 

Officer Role 
Captain of the Thesis Gives instructions to the lieutenant commander of body paragraphs
Lieutenant Commander of Body Paragraphs Gives instructions to the first lieutenant of topic sentences to develop topic sentences that will support the thesis
First Lieutenant of Topic Sentences Gives instructions to the second lieutenant of examples, descriptions, definitions, explanations, and evaluations to create supporting evidence for each topic sentence to support the thesis
Second Lieutenant of examples, descriptions, definitions, explanations, and evaluations Gives instructions to the other noncommissioned officers of supporting evidence to support the evidence
Other Noncommissioned Officers of supporting evidence Give instructions to the petty officer of transition statements to end each body paragraph, prepare for the next body paragraph, and prepare to desist all activities
Petty Officer Gives instructions to the enlisted men of revision support to confirm and check the accuracy of each instruction that supports the thesis (order)
Enlisted Men of Revision Support Confirm and check for accuracy of each instruction that integrates and supports the thesis (order)

Murphy’s illustration of the command structure represents a way in which the initial order (the vision) trickles down the military command chain as individual mission objectives for different parts (people) of the whole group. Each person has an instruction (mission) from the initial vision objective and is responsible for his or her job, which is to achieve the mission successfully.

All throughout Murphy’s illustration, the order is integrated from one person and divided into different parts. Although the command order may be different for different groups who are a part of the same platoon, the order doesn’t represent a deviation from the initial vision objective.  The order is integrated at every level.

The same is true for the example I have provided above. The thesis (order) starts with the student and is integrated within the body paragraphs, topic sentences, examples, explanations, evaluations, and other supporting evidence. In essence, no paragraph should deviate from the path the thesis has set. Whichever method the student chooses for the thesis, every subsequent paragraph must consistently adhere to the mission and objective of the thesis.

Click here to print out a copy of Murphy’s excerpt.

Click here to return to “Task #7: Integrate.”

Copyright 2011 Regina Y. Favors. All Rights Reserved.

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Task #7: Integrate

Integrate

“Integrate” falls under the Analysis Acronym (Revision) category.

Integrate the thesis throughout the paper.

To best understand how to integrate your ideas within the paper, let’s deviate from the student essay and include an excerpt from James D. Murphy’s book titled Business is Combat:  A Fighter Pilot’s Guide to Winning in Modern Business Warfare.

Murphy discusses how the vision from a commanding officer must be divided into manageable parts in the section entitled “Command Structure: The Vision is not the Mission.”

A vision does not produce actionable results until it has been divided into individual missions.  Here is an excerpt from the book. The excerpt is subject to U.S. copyright and is displayed here for “educational purposes.” 

Figure 86: Sample Excerpt from James D. Murphy’s Business Text (Whole Form)

As a fighter pilot, I care very much about the overall objectives laid out by the general officers of the United States Air Force. . . . But I don’t operate in a generalized world.  My world is very specific.  I’m an F-15 air superiority fighter pilot.  I don’t drop bombs.  I don’t have a thirty-millimeter tank-killing gun like the A-10. . . . I do one thing well, and that’s provide air cover for ingressing bombers by taking out airborne threats.  I do not operate under the same rules as an F-117 Stealth pilot, or an F-16 pilot.My mission objective is very specific, tied totally to my individual capability and my training.As such, it’s imperative that the mission I’m assigned is specific and precise, not vague or general.  Imagine if I went up in the air with only the following orders:  ‘Murphy, your objective is to kick Saddam Hussein out of Kuwait.  Good luck—let’s go kick some ass.’  It’s okay for Norman Schwarzkopf to say that; in fact, that’s what he’s supposed to say.

His job is to establish an overall objective for the troops, and to do it in such a way that all participants understand it and get behind it.  He probably doesn’t even know how I do what I do.  But he doesn’t need to know.  He simply needs to lay out a straightforward overall objective that can be divided into manageable parts that, when activated, will lead inexorably to the achievement of his objective.How does this happen?

The military command structure underneath Schwarzkopf has to take his general vision and push it down through the ranks and into the cockpits, subs, and trenches—where it is presented not as a vision, but as a mission.

Directly underneath Schwarzkopf, the brigadier generals break the vision down into its individual parts—the Army does this, the Air Force does that, and so on.  Next, the commanding generals evaluate their individual assets and create an overall operations plan.  This called the frag, short for fragmentary order, the overall battle plan broken down into the relevant parts.  The bombers, fighters, and ground forces are all commanded to converge on a certain target at a certain time and in a certain sequence.

One level down, other officers convert the frag into even smaller parts.  The 1st Fighter Wing and its F-15s do this; the F-117 guys from Holliman do that.  The KC-10s will be waiting to give gas here, the A-10s will attack tanks there.

Yet another level down, wing commanders divide the frag again.  For example, they might decide that twelve F-15s will be responsible for providing air cover over a specific piece of ground, so that thirty-six bombers can come in under them and pound enemy targets that our ground troops will then secure.

With the group objective stated for the F-15s, the individual flight leaders, who might be young captains or lieutenants, will look at the airspace they need to sanitize and organize the F-15s with altitude blocks and lanes of responsibility so that we can absolutely, positively do our job—which is to make certain no one hops on the tails of the bombers.

At this point Schwarzkopf’s vision has become a mission for me, the individual pilot.  I don’t set my sights on something as personally unattainable as kicking Iraqis out of Kuwait, but I am ready to give my life to protect an important lane of airspace with my F-15.  I’m ready to give my life in the execution of a clear, measurable, attainable mission that supports the overall vision of my commander. . . .

How often do companies ask their employees to execute their jobs under the banner of a ‘mission statement’ or a generalized corporate goal?  A mission statement is fine, but like an overall objective, it isn’t specific enough to lead anybody anywhere.  Mission statements aren’t marching orders.  They sound good, they make sense, but they have zero effect until the organization breaks them down into finer and finer pieces, from rank to rank, presented clearly to each and every employee as a specific task with a measurable outcome that is his and his alone to perform. . . .

Like the Air Force, your company should use its command structure to filter a general vision down to the level of the individual employee.  And it shouldn’t be a great leap from the general vision to the individual missions, either.  There should be a logical, sequential breakdown of the vision, so that each group can responsibly accomplish its human-scale goals.

Source:  Business is Combat by James D. Murphy, pages 42-25

Before I get into a discussion of how this excerpt relates to integration, let’s outline Murphy’s structure first.  All we need are key points he makes about how the vision needs to be broken down into manageable parts.  We don’t need to summarize his words.  The exact wording suffices.

Outline Form

1) “Directly underneath Schwarzkopf, the brigadier generals break the vision down into its individual parts—the Army does this, the Air Force does that, and so on.”

2) “Next, the commanding generals evaluate their individual assets and create an overall operations plan. This called the frag, short for fragmentary order, the overall battle plan broken down into the relevant parts.”

3) “The bombers, fighters, and ground forces are all commanded to converge on a certain target at a certain time and in a certain sequence.”

4) “One level down, other officers convert the frag into even smaller parts.”

  • “The 1st Fighter Wing and its F-15s do this;”
  • “the F-117 guys from Holliman do that.”
  • “The KC-10s will be waiting to give gas here,”
  • “the A-10s will attack tanks there.”

5) “Yet another level down, wing commanders divide the frag again.”

  • “For example, they might decide that twelve F-15s will be responsible for providing air cover over a specific piece of ground, “
  • “so that thirty-six bombers can come in under them and pound enemy targets”
  • “that our ground troops will then secure.”

6) “With the group objective stated for the F-15s, the individual flight leaders, who might be young captains or lieutenants, will look at the airspace they need to sanitize”

  • “and organize the F-15s with altitude blocks and lanes of responsibility”
  • “so that we can absolutely, positively do our job—which is to make certain no one hops on the tails of the bombers.”

7) “At this point Schwarzkopf’s vision has become a mission for me, the individual pilot.”

  • “I’m ready to give my life in the execution of a clear, measurable, attainable mission that supports the overall vision of my commander. . . .”

I chose to present the excerpt as a whole and in parts (outline) so you can examine the whole; and afterward the different parts each individual has to assume.

Whole Form: The excerpt in whole form represents symbolically a typical vision; this is how a vision statement looks (or a typical mission statement). It hasn’t been broken down. It isn’t measurable. There aren’t any instructions.

Outline Form: On the other hand, the same excerpt in outline form represents symbolically how the whole has been divided into individual, measurable parts. You could take each idea represented by a bullet point and give the idea as an instruction to the person responsible for a particular job. Now the vision has become measurable. The instructions will ensure a measurable result.

I know you’re thinking, “How does this excerpt relate to integration? How does this excerpt relate to how you need to ensure that you integrate your thesis throughout the essay?”

Before we can answer these questions, let’s review our definition of what “thesis” means.

Click here for “The FAVORS Definition of Thesis (Task #7: Integrate).”

Copyright 2011 Regina Y. Favors. All Rights Reserved.

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Task #6: Sample

Sample

“Sample” falls under the Analysis Acronym (Revision) category.

Take a quote and examine it against your own statement or the whole body paragraph to ensure that your statement complements the quote. Let’s bring forward an example from the student essay.

Figure 85: Essay Excerpt on “Chrysanthemums” (Sampling Body Paragraph Exercise)

Steinbeck presents Elisa as inquisitive and strong-minded when it comes to thoughts, but fails on her actions.  Elisa questions the visitor as to whether or not he sleeps in the wagon; she tells him that it must be nice and wishes that women could do such things.  He replies that it isn’t the kind of place for a woman.  On the defensive, she questions his knowledge on his stated opinion.  He responds in protest that he doesn’t know and hands over the saucepans hurriedly.  He didn’t want to argue with her.  Elisa paid him for his time and replied, “You might be surprised to have a rival . . . I can sharpen scissors . . . I can beat the dents . . . I can show you what a woman might do” (Steinbeck 225).  Instead of say what a woman can do, she said might.  The whole objective of the visitor was to get what he wanted and be on his way.  He never concerned himself with the chrysanthemums.  It was apparent, because when he gathered up his things to leave, he had forgotten about the chrysanthemums; and Elisa failed to notice.  She was so preoccupied with the compliments made to her about her flowers she played into his deception.  As he left, she mumbled aloud, “That’s a bright direction.  There’s a glowing there”(Steinbeck 226).

Step #1: Highlight the quotes. Apply shading by using a highlighter; if you are working in Word, use shading or bolding.

Step #2: Underline the statements. Underline the statements before and after the quote. Underline only those statements that have a direct relationship to the quote.

Step #3: Mirror the quote and the statement. If you are working in Word, cut and paste the quote and the statement(s) into a separate Word document. If you are working from a hardcopy, make sure the paragraph you are working on is free from any correction marks from a previous activity. You may want to print out a new copy of the page with the paragraph. Let’s bring forward the example.

Table 24: Sentence/Quote/Follow-Up Explanation Comparisons (Sampling Body Paragraph Exercise) 

 Prep Statement
Elisa questions the visitor as to whether or not he sleeps in the wagon; she tells him that it must be nice and wishes that women could do such things.  He replies that it isn’t the kind of place for a woman.
 Quote Elisa paid him for his time and replied, 1 “You might be surprised to have a rival . . . 2 I can sharpen scissors . . . 3 I can beat the dents . . . 4 I can show you what a woman might do”(Steinbeck 225).
 Follow-up explanation Instead of say what a woman can do, she said 1 might.

Step #4: Number the parts.

  • Number the part(s) of the quote first.
  • Number the part(s) of the statement(s) before the quote.
  • Number the part(s) of the statement(s) after the quote (follow-up explanation).

Step #5: Outline the parts of the quote. List the parts.

  • “You might be surprised to have a rival.”
  • “I can sharpen scissors.”
  • “I can beat the dents.”
  • “I can show you what a woman might do.”

Step #6:  Choose an option.

Option #1: Revising the statement(s). Keep the quote and revise any statement(s) that does not have the same parts as the quote. How and where you incorporate the quote is important, but how you support the quote is a skill that many still lack. People typically only support the ideas they perceive are important in the quote, failing to consider the quote as a whole with different meanings and parts.                                                       

  • Use the quote as your guide and number the parts of your statement(s).
  • Square the statements with the quote.

Option #2: Deleting the statement(s). Keep the quote and delete any statement(s) that does not sufficiently support the quote. This includes deleting either the prep statement or the follow-up explanation or both. Statements that do not support the quote become the greatest stumbling blocks to the reader. They are distracting. Therefore, search specifically for statements that will hinder learning.

Option #3: Deleting the quote. This is rare, but it is possible that the quote doesn’t fit. Don’t make something fit that doesn’t have any relation at all to the ideas expressed within your statements.

Option #4: Deleting the statements. This is not rare. Oftentimes, there is nothing wrong with the quote. Sometimes the quote functions well without the prep statement, for example. Each case is different.

Option #5: Deleting both the quote and the statements. If you discover that both the quote and the statements do not fit within your discussion, then you must garner up the courage to delete them both. Never depend on a quote so much to the point that you feel loss without it. The quote is your tool, not the other way around. You determine if a quote will be viable to your discussion or not. Get in the habit of deleting quotes, statements and sometimes whole paragraphs, when necessary.

Copyright 2011 Regina Y. Favors. All Rights Reserved.

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